Yeah, I finished my 1st 6 hour ultra event and ran 28.5 miles. When I finished I was on cloud 9! That feeling soon ended when I got home, showered, and weighed myself. I had gained 3 pounds! WTF!!! How is it that I can run so far yet gained 3 pounds? This is absolutely devastated me. I have a hard time holding onto perspective. On one hand and my body is capaI have a hard time holding onto perspective. On one hand and my body is capable of great and wonderful things, but to look past the actual number on the scale is still very difficult even after several years of dealing with my eating disorder. I have come very farble of great and wonderful things, but to look past the actual number on the scale is still very difficult even after several years of dealing with my eating disorder. I have come very far, but still struggle…this will always be part of my life. How I deal with the disappointment now is very different. In the past this type of setback would have spiraled into days of not eating and severe negative thoughts. I’m not going to give into those demons. The great thing about running is that there is documentation of my achievements to help pull me out of my funk. I have reminders of what my body was able to do through pictures, race results, & medals. It has taken me a very long time to change the dialogue in my head and to remind myself that even if I may not have the perfect body, it is capable of amazing things – like running 28.5 miles! Don’t get me wrong this was not an overnight revelation. It was several days after this event before I was able to gain a healthy perspective. I beat myself up thinking that I had not accomplish something fantastic, but with the help of my friends and family I was able to get back on track.
See the thing is when you run events like ultras or marathons you tend to drink a whole lot to stay hydrated. In addition I also use salt tabs to help maintain my sodium levels so that I don’t cramps during the event. run events like ultras or marathons you tend to drink a whole lot! Which leads to bloating and water retention. Great while running, not so awesome when you step on the scale after the event. Considering my past and dealing with anorexia this was a hard concept to wrap my head around. Coming to this realization and being able to turn the neComing to this realization and being able to turn the negative thoughts around was a huge milestone in my journey not only as a runner but as an individual who will always deal with this eating disorder. #Winning – this is a huge milestone in my journey as a runner & individual with an eating disorder.
Now that I am focused/realistic about running so very far and what it does to and for my body, I am excited for my next adventure!