Why?

Why do you do the things you do? The small or big stuff, doesn’t matter…what is truly driving you?⁣  ⁣Your purpose is powerful. We get so caught up in the how that we sometimes stop asking why and in my case that turned ugly. *Quick reminder, I’m not a nutritionist or expert in anything health or wellbeing. ⁣

⁣Here goes…I fell down the rabbit hole of Intermittent Fasting. For some people it may work, for me with my history I was playing with fire. In the process of dabbling in fasting practices I became obsessed. I never took the time to answer honestly “why” I was doing it. What was the allure? Why the change from what I was doing? ⁣

⁣Deep down I knew the why, consciously I would not say it out loud. I repeated what I had researched using that info as a shield. Under the vail of health I forged ahead even when the red flags popped up that this was not good for me. Returning to face to face instruction in September I justified pushing meals until after school as a safety measure to stay masked while in the building. I was not eating until I got home and then binging. My energy levels were off, by 2pm I was a moody zombie, and I started stepping on the scale daily. ⁣

⁣Getting going with fasting was not hard for me, that should have been my 1st clue this was not in my best interest. My brain is wired weird after years of restriction, it can flip quickly into a competition mode. The recent controversy dusted up surrounding Gwyneth Paltrow supporting Intuitive Fasting caught my attention and pulled me out of my complacency. I felt like crap. It was time to answer the question – Why was I fasting? ⁣

⁣Here’s the hard part of asking “why”…you have to be brutally honest with yourself, that is hard and can be extremely uncomfortable.⁣

So truth, I wanted a quick fix to my weight gain and fasting felt like a beacon of light to get what I wanted. In transitioning to intuitive eating I had to listen as well as honor my hunger cues, but I did not truly trust myself or the process. Feeling hungry triggered old battles and started the game to see how long I could hold out without eating. Each milestone turned into a badge of honor which spiraled until I lost control. Intuitive eating provided the awareness I needed to fuel my body, but it scared me. I would freeze when I recognized the need for food, it was my crossroad but I had a solid “why” for forging ahead. I was choosing actively to eat and live a life free from food restriction. I was on the right path, but pushed the reason aside when my weight fluctuated. I freaked and jumped on the fasting bandwagon, lost the focus on my recovery, fixated on the scale, and stopped running. Recipe for disaster! Enter the social media wake up call from Ms Paltrow and here we are. ⁣

We need to be asking “why” more often. I NEED to be asking “why” to stay on track and live the most purposeful life possible. I know I will be more cognizant of that in the future but it will take effort daily. I want to feel good and am truly sick of feeling terrible. Grip your why tightly and carry on friends, everyday will be an adventure. Some easier than others.

I’ve been MIA over the past year as the uncertainty of the world made it hard to translate what was in my head into words, but I’m back. I’ve missed this space to unpack the challenges of life and be vulnerable. #BeKind #BeHappy #BeActive

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